


flux

by khiliad



Category: I Told Sunset About You (2020)
Genre: Character Study, Episode 1 POV, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27309583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khiliad/pseuds/khiliad
Summary: Something stubborn in Teh is asking why is he so different from the others. The rational part pulls him back from that stubbornness to remind him that Oh-Aew has never been just a friend from elementary school. Never been just someone he hung out with.Oh-Aew was--well, his best friend.
Relationships: Teh/Oh-aew
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	flux

**Author's Note:**

> sort of a character study on teh i wrote while waiting for ep2 to air (which was gorgeous as well, god)! i'm so in love with this series, and everything it has to offer. this is just something i wrote to air out the love i have for them. i think teh is such an interesting character to explore. i might write one for ep2 too, but we'll see!
> 
> for now, i hope you enjoy reading!

The first thing Teh notices when he first lays his eyes on Oh-Aew again this closely is the fact that he looks even more good-looking like this. Up close and personal, something Teh doesn't have the privilege of seeing nowadays, with how much they drifted apart. He’s wearing this cool-looking vintage jacket, eyes trained on Teh carefully as Teh managed to utter a polite, but cheerful _hey, Oh-Aew!,_ trying to mask the years of disparity between them that’s hard to breach, something Teh doesn’t even know if it’s anywhere near fixable. 

His lips are tinted pink. He still has that mole under his eye, something that makes him look distinct. _Pretty,_ something in Teh’s mind thinks absentmindedly, but immediately dismisses, too focused on the fact now that Oh-Aew hasn’t returned his greeting. 

This just gives Teh more time to look at him.

 _Truly_ look at him.

The second thing Teh notices about Oh-Aew is the fact that Oh-Aew looks at Teh like he’s the last thing he wants to see. He was grinning earlier when Teh entered the classroom, with this guy Teh doesn’t know, laughing like he would with any other friends. 

But right now, Oh-Aew looking at Teh. And Teh’s looking at Oh-Aew.

No matter the disparity. No matter the hostility between them.

It feels a lot like coming home. 

It doesn’t feel like the time Teh saw him yesterday, fleeting and quick. If that was even him. Sometimes Teh doesn’t know which is real, and which is not when it comes to Oh-Aew. They’ve drifted apart. That’s the harsh truth with them. It’s easy to converse with his other friends he hasn’t seen in a while. Other friends still text him, they comment on each other’s photos on Instagram. Talking to them just felt like talking to any other friends he hasn’t seen in a long time from elementary school.

But Oh-Aew. He _is_ a friend from elementary school. He was part of his friend circle.

Something stubborn in Teh is asking why is he so different from the others. The rational part pulls him back from that stubbornness to remind him that Oh-Aew has never been just a friend from elementary school. Never been just someone he hung out with.

Oh-Aew was--well, his best friend. 

Right now, looking at Teh with an unreadable look on his face, he doesn’t seem so much like one. Doesn’t seem like anything, really. Teh’s heart aches more than anything, but he pushes it away.

“This is Bas!” Kai exclaims, putting a hand over Teh’s shoulder, pulling him out of his reverie. Bas is the guy Oh-Aew was talking to. He’s good looking, he’s been in the Chinese class since 10th grade, and he looks like he’s close with Oh-Aew. 

Okay.

Oh-Aew is ignoring him. Doesn’t reply to his hi’s, doesn’t even let him sit near him, as if he’s not even worth the breath in regards to everything. They both want to get into the Faculty of Communications, and this adds to the things he doesn’t know about Oh-Aew now. He avoids talking to Teh, but Oh-Aew looks at Teh back when he feels Teh looking at him. 

_Oh-Aew is bad at Chinese still,_ Teh thinks as he sees the _9/30_ branded on their fresh quiz. Something morbid in him glad that it’s the case. Maybe the rage, the childish thoughts.

Oh-Aew is looking at him. This time there’s suspicion in his eyes, something Teh has never seen on him when they were kids. Oh-Aew was always looking at him in wonder, in a way that feels happy, in a way that shows he’s grateful to have Teh by his side. Right now, there’s suspicions. Maybe betrayal. 

Teh doesn’t know what to fucking feel. 

A stupid part of Teh wishes Oh-Aew would fucking shout at him for peeking at his score. Just so Oh-Aew can at least act like Teh is a human worth talking to.

Teh quickly pushes the thought aside, and chooses to take a short nap.

☀ 

There’s something about anger and resentment that makes it easier to spit out mean things. It doesn’t matter how much truth those words hold. Right now, it only matters that it makes Teh feel fucking better about getting ignored.

Right now, he’s saying it to Tarn.

“I want the special program exam result out already,” Teh says, out of spite more than anything. Even he knows he’s nervous for the result. That’s another thing about anger and resentment. Sometimes words don’t really mean the way that you say it to be. “If I get in and he doesn’t, I’ll be super satisfied.” 

Here’s something about Tarn. She’s pretty, Teh has had a crush on her for years, and she’s the loveliest girl Teh has ever had the pleasure of knowing. Despite all these things, despite the years they’ve spent together in this game of pursuing, she never hesitates to call Teh out on all his shit. Maybe that’s why Teh likes her too. 

“You’re holding a grudge,” Tarn points out quite obviously. 

“Well, I want to win,” Teh says, and Teh doesn’t know exactly _what_ he thinks he’s winning if Oh-Aew doesn’t get into the school of his dreams, but right now, with all of this anger and resentment building inside of him, that seems a lot like winning _something._ “I think he must have high hopes for the results because you won’t need the admission exam score.” _9/30_ , Teh’s mind flashes in all of his anger _._ “A guy like him won’t get in by the admission system.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Tarn says, always the nicer one between them. “Whichever system you’re getting into the faculty, eventually, you both will be studying performing arts. Just think of it as Oh-Aew being there to push you. Sounds good?” 

“Yeah,” Teh says. There’s still a lump in his chest. This time it’s not about anger, and Teh doesn’t have the name for it, either. 

☀

The thing about Oh-Aew now is that he’s handsome. 

That much, Teh can admit. 

He might even go as far as saying that he has an actor’s face if the lump in his heart is gone. 

But Teh has never really thought that Oh-Aew could be 90.5k followers on Instagram hot. 

_oh.aew,_ the username teases, with Oh-Aew smiling to the camera in the profile picture, winking cheekily. _Danaiwittaya Phuket._

Teh has always known that his account exists, what not with their mutual friends. He’s always there, in his suggestions, in his friends stories tags when they do something fun together that doesn’t involve Teh. But every time, Teh fights the urge to click on his profile. _What’s the use, anyway?_ Teh always thinks, but there’s always the tug in his chest every time he sees Oh-Aew on his socials.

It’s different now that their paths have finally crossed again. It feels like a good time to finally check him out. Just to see. Just so Teh doesn’t have any more surprises of what Oh-Aew is like now.

The first thing Teh’s brain childishly takes note of is the fact that Oh-Aew on Instagram looks totally different from the guy that barely acknowledged Teh earlier. Then, it crosses Teh’s mind yet again that Oh-Aew is probably this nice and approachable to everyone. 

It’s just Teh. The only exception. Except this exception doesn’t feel as good as it was when they were best friends. Doesn’t feel as good as knowing that Oh-Aew has that weird habit of acting like he’s smelling something bad when his back itches.

He has a lot of pictures. Each one perfectly modeled to be one for Instagram’s, looking like the embodiment of a youth having the time of his life, each one designed to make you feel like you want to go to the place he went to. It feels childish to be judging each one of his photos, but with how much he’s held back before, this feels a lot like liberation. 

There’s one photo that catches Teh’s attention. It’s a good picture, Teh supposes, maybe just a little cheesy for Teh’s liking, but it makes something in him burn in ways he doesn’t have a name for either. It’s a selfie of Oh-Aew holding an _Oh-Aew,_ smiling cheekily to the camera _._ If they’re friends again, Teh might even find it a little funny, but they’re not, so Teh settles with looking through his Instagram comments. 

There’s that Bas guy again. 

_basss.ketball:_ you look like that one famous actor LOL

 _kai.patapee: @basss.ketball_ Tor Thanapob!!!!!

Fine. So Bas is an enigma. Teh doesn’t know anything about him except for the fact that he goes to the same school as the others, and all of them obviously grew close from that association.

Bas is close to Oh-Aew. 

Teh wonders what would’ve happened if he went to the same school as all of them. Would he have managed to get over the fight with Oh-Aew? Would he have managed to get over his ego, and just fucking talk to Oh-Aew? Better question, would Bas still be in the same friend group as them? 

The only conclusion Teh reaches when he finally, finally, stops staring at that particular post is that there’s really no fucking use dwelling over things that have passed. 

☀

The thing about Teh is that he’s stubborn at best. He’s stubborn, and on days where he’s able to admit more of his flaws, he can admit that he’s egoistical at best. 

Maybe it’s the getting called out in the middle of class for copying Oh-Aew’s hairstyle and having to come up with a stupid white lie out of his ass. Maybe it’s the realisation that copying Oh-Aew kind of makes him look stupid that makes him even angrier and more stubborn. 

Teh would like to think that Oh-Aew started it. But really, just like everything that caused their friendship to go down the drain, it’s his anger and inability to get past his ego that _really_ started it. 

It’s Mod’s words first. “Teh, I’m putting Bas into our group chat, alright? So you and Bas can tutor us Chinese.” 

It’s a good idea. Teh doesn’t hate Bas. Can’t find any reason to, anyways, so he nods when the silence lingers for too long. 

Then, it’s Oh-Aew. “Bas, why are you so good at Chinese?” Oh-Aew is saying. Whining really, but that’s just how Oh-Aew usually sounds. Teh knows that now. “Your pre-test score is 30 out of 30!”

Teh feels his eyebrows twitch. It’s the ego. It’s the feeling of feeling like you’ve done your best only to have someone take it away from you. It feels a lot like when Oh-Aew was given the role of Yongjian instead of him. But it doesn’t feel the same. Doesn’t have the same bitterness, doesn’t have the same moral conflict in him. Right now, with Bas’ score in the air, everything in him just feels angry and red that Teh feels like snapping. 

Bas smiles at Oh-Aew gently. Oh-Aew looks at him the same way, too. They kind of look like they share something he used to share with Oh-Aew. 

Philip points out Teh’s score, points out his trophy in the National Chinese Opera contest. Then, it somehow delved into the revelation that Oh-Aew is starting a drama club, and in all Bas’ excitement in showing Oh-Aew off, he extends an invite for Teh to star in the play. Somehow, that makes Teh angrier. Brings up old blood, the reason why they’re both in shambles. Then, it’s Instagram. 

Fucking Instagram is somehow the tipping point. The post ringing in Teh’s head, the comments, all of it. Then, it’s yelling at each other, anger spilling over, something that has been building up not only when they met again, but the moment their friendship ended. 

And there’s something about anger that makes it hard for Teh to just stop throwing reckless words that he knows will hurt. 

Before he knows it, he’s saying something he knows that will hurt Oh-Aew. “Why don’t you take time off studying instead of scolding me? Maybe you’ll have better score.” Oh-Aew’s face is already starting to contort. Teh adds on, out of anger more than anything. “Your score is this much,” going as far as pinching his fingers together to emphasise his point. “You won’t pass the exam!” 

It’s not his name getting called out that finally snaps him out of it. 

It’s the regrets.

It’s the way Oh-Aew’s face changes. Softens in the way it does when he wants to cry, and hurt flashed in his eyes, and somehow, somehow in this shop where everything is different _,_ everything is the same in how they’re back at the temple where they had the play again. The regrets, the anger. This time, Teh is mature enough to admit that he regrets saying these words. 

Oh-Aew goes.

Bas goes after him. Kai, too. 

Teh wants to. Takes the first step. Mod stops him. Teh thinks something in him stops himself, too.

Here, in this place where everything changes, where regrets are settling in, and he knows now that Oh-Aew has the same look on his face like years ago, Teh can admit that Oh-Aew probably doesn’t want him to go after him.

☀

_Hindsight is a cruel thing,_ Teh decides just as Oh-Aew cries in front of him. 

His words to Tarn flashes cruelly in his mind, _I’ll be so satisfied if I get in, and he doesn’t._ Then as if in panorama, his mind flashes to yesterday when Oh-Aew was looking at him in hurt too. The thing about hindsight is that Teh knows now that he still holds Oh-Aew so dear to him that the feeling of seeing him cry _and_ not getting into the university of his dreams doesn't feel like winning. 

Nothing does. 

That’s the harsh truth that dawns on him. Right now, nothing feels like he’s winning. He just got into the university of his dreams. He should be fucking jumping in joy. But right now, his heart just feels heavy, and somehow he’s crying too. Not of happiness, but rather because of the regrets that managed to lodge itself in his heart. 

“Are you happy now?!” Oh-Aew screams, and something in Teh thinks that _no, this feels even further away from happiness. Nothing feels good right now. Not when you’re like this._ “You’re so good at studying so why didn’t you just go through the admission system?!”

 _Oh-Aew cries so much,_ Teh thinks absentmindedly, wiping his own tears. Teh is just now discovering that when it comes to Oh-Aew, Teh can cry a lot, too.

“Get away from me,” Oh-Aew is saying. Teh stays a distance between them. Somehow that hurts. The way he’s looking at Teh adds on to the pain.

Oh-Aew goes. Teh doesn’t follow him. 

Tarn texts him. 

Even that just makes the regrets lodge itself deeper.

☀

The private beach is their place.

It’s always been.

It’s this part of Phuket that’s somehow hidden, and somehow hasn’t become a tourist spot, and Teh hopes it stays that way for merely selfish reasons.

Oh-Aew is there. There’s something selfish in Teh that feels glad that Oh-Aew likes this place that they discover so much that he comes here when he feels down. Even if the reason he feels down has something to do with Teh. 

That’s another thing about Teh, too. How he’s selfish when it comes to Oh-Aew, and he doesn’t know why either. How little bits of Oh-Aew that he still knows feels like little accomplishments. 

Oh-Aew isn’t crying right now, but Teh is. Of course. Overwhelmed with years of build-up emotions and tension between them. Overwhelmed with this _need_ to fix what’s left of them. The overwhelming need to just _try again_ with Oh-Aew. 

“I just want to apologise,” Teh is saying, already in tears. _Boys don’t cry,_ something in him whispers, but he wills it away. This time he can and will. When it comes to Oh-Aew and the distance they have between them. “For everything that happened.”

Oh-Aew is crying, too now. Not as much as Teh is, with snots and all, but he is. He’s nodding. He’s somehow forgiving Teh for all his wrongs.

Somehow.

Somehow.

Teh laughs a little despite his tears. Glad. This selfish part of Teh is also glad that Oh-Aew’s crying. At least it means he’s mourning for what they had, too. 

☀

Teh learns that Oh-Aew still takes the boat at the pier. Teh learns that in 11th grade, Oh-Aew used to have a condo in the city, but his mom took it away for his bad grades. 

Teh learns the hard way that when it comes to re-learning each other, there’s no easy way. 

Oh-Aew keeps his distance. He first does that by not even swimming with them. Maybe he’s scared that he’ll get too lost into the feel of the water that he’ll get too comfortable with Teh. He also keeps his distance when he stays silent when Teh points out absentmindedly that they still sell the _mee-hoon_ that only Oh-Aew likes. It’s always the _Hokkien mee_ that sells out in the _kopitiam._

Oh-Aew also keeps his distance in how he asks bluntly why Teh never said _hi_ to him. 

It’s something Teh thinks about sometimes when he lays in bed and thinks of the friendship he had with Oh-Aew. It’s not like Teh carries resentment with him everyday to Oh-Aew the moment their friendship collapsed. It’s sort of something that’s always in the back of his mind. Some days, his fingers type out a text to Oh-Aew, but he could never hit the send button. Some days, he thinks of it. Just what to say _if_ things are ever sorted out between them. Plays out scenarios after scenarios, yet nothing felt right. Maybe it’s the fact that he never took into account what happened when they finally met again that the anger just burst out like that. 

Teh feels insanely grateful now that he doesn’t even have to think of an _if._ It’s happening now, they’re rekindling it. Slowly. So he says it clearly, “I didn’t know what to say.” It’s too stilted, this conversation. Has been ever since Teh sat down. “And you didn’t say hi to me as well, asshole!”

“I did, but you never replied!” Oh-Aew is saying. This time there’s a tint of playfulness in his tone that hope colours Teh’s heart. 

“Talking through Mod doesn’t count,” Teh counters back. They’re staring at each other. The waves behind them, the rustles of the leaves. This feels like something coming back to him. This feels a bit more like coming home.

“So, if I didn’t say anything to you first, you wouldn’t say anything to me, would you?” Oh-Aew questions. 

Teh finds that honesty is really all he can offer to Oh-Aew right now. “Actually, I thought about it. But I just didn’t hit the send button.”

They both might start crying again. There’s something vulnerable about admitting your faults. Especially when it’s a friendship like this. Where they’re both too hard-headed for their own good. Where they both sometimes get too into their own emotions, they take it out on each other. 

It’s things like these. When they’re both finally being this honest with each other, yet Oh-Aew takes a step back. Keeps his distance. Teh is starting to think that he deserves it, really. 

There’s something hurtful about realising that Teh has hurt Oh-Aew so much that he doesn’t want to get hurt again. Teh hears it here. In how Oh-Aew is saying that they can be friends again, but not as close as they were before. Oh-Aew is saying all of these hurtful things Teh has said to him. How he tries harder just out of spite. How Instagram was even part of it. 

Something selfish in Teh riots. He caused this, he’s aware. But the thing about this selfish corner in Teh’s heart is that it doesn’t recognise rationality. This time though, just so that he can at least have a shot at this again, Teh says he gets it. 

He does. 

The selfish part doesn’t.

☀

Hoon used to say that his stubbornness would kill him one day.

He’s right, in some ways. It has certainly killed the only strong bond he had with someone. 

But right now, riding this hideous motorcycle with the side cart, Teh is starting to think that maybe his stubbornness would do him good. 

Oh-Aew was riding with Bas. Always with Bas. Teh suddenly feels ridiculous here with this ugly motorcycle so early in the morning, with the luggage full of his tutorial books. Even Oh-Aew is looking at him in bewilderment. Teh ignores it. Focuses on ranting and laying out his purpose. 

“Do you want me to tutor you Chinese?” Teh finally blurts out.

“Huh?” Oh-Aew says. He even leans forward like he thinks he heard Teh all wrong. 

“Oh, c’mon. Keep tutoring, and we’ll become best friends again.” Teh doesn’t know why either, but he can’t settle with being _just_ friends with Oh-Aew. It’s too distant. It’s _something,_ but not quite what he wants. _This_ is where the stubborn part kicks in. It hammers Teh’s head, and tells him that he needs it. Teh can’t settle for less. He has never done that in academics and everything he does, so why must he do so when it comes to Oh-Aew? The person he feels closest to?

Oh-Aew is still looking at him in bewilderment. He just woke up, Teh recalls. Maybe this is too much to ask for so early in the morning? 

Teh tries the only thing he knows that will consolidate what they have. 

“Ke yi ma?” 

Oh-Aew looks at him. Really looks at him. Then he smiles. 

“Ke yi,” he finally affirms.

Somehow.

Somehow. 

This one feels like winning. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> you can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ohmspawat) and [tumblr](https://adequater.tumblr.com) if you want to be friends! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading! <3


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